Struggle

Oh, where do I begin? Maybe it began around Christmas time when tempting treats were all around and I said "sure" a few too many times. Or maybe it began at my one year "anniversary" when I looked at all I had accomplished in a year and thought that the hard work was now over. Or maybe ..... oh, hell, let's face it. I don't know when it began, but I have been STRUGGLING now for a LONG time.

Thursday was a really awful day for me. I tried to run outside on Wednesday and had the most horrible run I have EVER had. AWFUL. I had to turn back and come home. Then Thursday when I worked with the trainer I struggled again....pain....aches....being totally winded at what is normally a warm up walk.

And you know what, I was so ready to throw in the towel. I was ready to say forget it...this weight loss thing is too hard and I just can't do it anymore.

But I didn't. I took some of the trainer's "maybe you should try...." and did them. I added more fresh fruit into my diet. Fruit = natural sugar = energy. I took a multi-vitamin with iron. I took a magnesium. I ate lean red meat last night and tossed a handfull of fresh spinach into my salad.

Today...well, today I honestly feel better. I feel more energized. I walked 3 miles, and I felt good. I didn't hurt....I didn't struggle. I started at 3.5 mph, which is a warm up for me and after a while I bumped it up. I didn't go higher than 3.7 because I don't want to go crazy after feeling SO badly. After the 3 miles I did some of the arm exercised on the weight machine and then some kettlebell exercises.

And while I did the walking and weight work, I watched the Biggest Loser. I saw how much those people have struggled and how they've worked SO HARD.....which made me think of how hard I have worked....and how hard I CAN work.

Now, I hate to get on here and type out another "I'm back in the game" blog post, because I've hammered out several of those since January. But I am strong and I can work hard. Food is not the reward for me....feeling strong and healthy and FIT is a much better feeling than ANY FOOD has ever given me. I have no problems with the exercise side of the weight loss equation. I can work out...that does not scare me. But the food side....oh that's the killer for me.

I must stop looking at food as a REWARD, or something that I deserve. I deserve to feel and look great a lot more than I deserve the quick high and lower low that comes from eating unhealthy. Yes, I can have things occasionally that might not be the best choice. They are not gone from my life forever, but I OWE IT TO MYSELF to make healthy choices for myself most of the time.

From where I'm sitting right now (mentally and physically) it seems like the hardest part of struggle (for me) is getting out of that pattern. I need the scale to start moving DOWN on a consistent basis. One week of downward movement is not sufficient. I need to see a pound loss (OR MORE) each week. I cannot keep see-sawing up and down. I need to stop struggling and start thriving again.

If you're in a bad spot with your weight loss, don't give up. It's hard...it honestly is, but remember all of the hard work that you've put in thus far and know that YOU are stronger than any urge to eat unhealthy or skip a workout. Look at yourself and recognize that you DESERVE a healthy life!

Good luck....