Stop Vacationing in Malibu....

I have been bad.

I have been very bad.

Suddenly I kinda feel like I'm in confession, and I'm not even Catholic. Here it goes...forgive me diet for I have sinned....

I drank two weekends in a row and ate bad and am not being faithful to my bodybugg lifestyle.

Phew...that feels a little better just to get that out there.

• Drinking
• Gluttony
• Adultery

I think those three translate into one big sin...acedia. What the heck is acedia you might ask? Well, acedia is the neglect to take care of something that one should do...um, like a DIET and HEALTHY LIFESTYLE maybe? I'm just sayin'....

*confession...I didn't know any of that, I just googled "7 deadly sins" and thought that one pretty much summed up the drinking, eating, and cheating on my BodyBugg!*

Here's what I've learned. The whole "no more booze" methodology isn't really good for me. Because then, when I do allow myself to drink, I go freaking nuts! I drink WAY too much and then eat bad food...'cause I've got this "pass" or something. You know...like when they give someone a "day pass" outta the mental hospital...that's what happens to me...I get my "day pass" and drink it up.

So, I'm thinking that I need to have a drink every now and then. Then when I have a special occasion I'm not going to go hog wild and drink too much and eat bad (pork, too, which is funny since I said "hog" wild...ha ha...I crack myself up).

Here's another thing I've learned. That number of calories you BURN doesn't mean CRAP if you eat and drink like a mad woman and then fail to LOG these calories. Ugh...the truth is dirty, ugly, and painful to see, but I've GOT to LOG those calories.

Now, a few smart readers are probably wondering what this all has to do with "Vacationing in Malibu"....the title of this confessional blog post. Most of you are going "Huh...there is a title...". Well, I discovered Diet Coke and Malibu rum...THAT's where things got ugly. Party like a rock-star ugly, not like passed out in the front yard ugly. Don't get me wrong...I'm not a fall-down-drunk boozer that ate a whole chocolate cake (although, cake DOES sound good), but for ME, it was not good. I just let go of my strictness and ultimately let MYSELF down. That's what this post is really about...I let MYSELF down. I thought perhaps I could handle "Girls' Weekend" without going overboard, but I didn't. I consumed WAY too many calories in food and booze.

So, here I sit...feeling a bit sorry for myself. Maybe I should just stop the dieting and healthy living and go back to my old (and sometimes more fun) ways.

Well, that's not gonna happen. It's time to get back on that wagon (ha ha...nice word choice) and get back to "clean" eating, lots of exercise, and ALL things in moderation (but no pork). It's time to get back to logging everything I eat, even if that means I log after every meal just to keep myself honest.

I have yet to have a "gain" week during my weight loss journey. My "official" weight in last week was a bit ugly...I weighed without pants on to help get myself to a 0.5 pound loss. (I did go to the gym to weigh in with jean shorts on, which are heavier than my normal workout clothes, so the trainer suggested dropping them...maybe she just was checking me out...HA HA HA) Now, I know that was stupid, but I could not deal with the emotion of having a gain. I'm afraid I might have to weigh naked tomorrow! What a wicked web we weave with this tangle of lies....even when the only person we're lying to is our self.

Tomorrow, I'm going in with the standard workout clothes and I'm taking whatever comes up on that scale. Honestly...I'm even going to enter that in the body bugg program and quite possibly see that negative feedback of the disapproving man wagging his finger at me like a bad kid (I've HEARD about this guy, but never seen him myself). It's time to get real, so tomorrow, it's real baby. (Am I the only one thinking "reality bites" right now????)

I do deal with it all with a bit (or two bits) of humor...if I can't laugh about it (while I'm correcting it) I'm gonna scream, so, much better to laugh, poke a little fun at myself, and MOVE ON. That's the key...move on....move past it and DO BETTER.

Now, on to other news of note, I have faced an incredible loss in my personal life. My partner and trusted feedback provider during this journey to Fit By Forty has left me.

That's right...my bodybugg died. Dead. Gone. Shipped to BodyBugg heaven. I'm gonna miss her...she really meant a lot to me, but a new, fresh BodyBugg is currently making it's way across the country to me so that I can continue with a new partner in this crazy journey. Today I went to the gym (for the first time since mid-February, mind you) without my Bugg on. First I ran 2 miles. Then I did some weights. While I was running those 2 miles (I am NOT kidding here) I swear to you I was having some phantom BodyBugg feeling...I kept feeling it on my arm as I ran along...I'd look down and nothing is on my arm, but I swear I could feel it. This does, obviously make me a bit concerned for my own mental health, but I'm gonna just hope that when the time comes and I no longer need the Bugg that I can stop wearing it and not have freaky phantom Bugg issues...time will tell!

Working out tonight without it was really difficult. I knew that normally on a 4 mile run I burn 1000 calories (that's the perk of being 215...you burn more than those skinny bitch 115 lb. runners). So, I figured I probably burned about 500 on the 2 mile, but I sure would've liked to have known FOR SURE. I told the trainer that it felt like wasted exercise, 'cause I couldn't say "I burned 650 while I was here".

Come on Brown...WHAT can you do for me? Can you get my Bugg back to me before Friday? I may go insane without it. God help the UPS man...I'm gonna be stalking him!

Oh, yeah, and just so you know...I am totally running now. HA! You guys have NO CLUE how funny THAT statement is. In January of this year I was a 265 pound girl who was NOT ABOUT to run for any reason. No....Freaking....Way.

Now I just hop on that old treadmill and run my little ass off. OK, big ass, but you get the picture. I did a bit of running research and have decided that I'm going to do one "long" run per week and then on the other alternating days do a shorter run and try to get a bit faster. I did the "long" run on Monday...4 miles. Tuesday was working with the trainer. (THAT bitch is the one that introduced me to Diet Coke and Malibu...we're gonna have to stop hanging out now...ha ha ha). Today I did 2 miles in 27 minutes and then some weights. I've decided that 4 is going to be my "long" run and I'll do 2 the other days. I'm going to gradually increase that "Long" run from 4 to 5 miles. That's where I'm stopping...5 miles is max for me folks. You heard it here first.

Well, it is time to step out of the confessional and get busy with my life. We're all going to face struggles from time to time. The key is knowing what triggers those struggles and how to get back on track. I know that drinking gives my brain some kind of carte blanche for eating poorly. Now I need to not drink to the excess where I say "sure, I'll have some of that....and that...oh, and a piece of that is great too". A long time ago (in a blog post far, far away) I said that the BodyBugg works if you LET it...you have to work it for it to work for you. You have to log that food...and you have to be HONEST about logging the food. Then, and ONLY then will you see the success that is totally possible with the BodyBugg.

Six Months

Today marks the 6 month "anniversary" of the day I first walked into the gym as a new member. My thoughts at that point were simple...



~workout a few times per week

~get out of the 260's

~gradually get more fit and have more endurance



I had no huge expectations...I was more than willing to take it slow and see how it went. I had no grandiose thoughts of "I'm going to lose 25 pounds" or "I'm going to drop 3 sizes"....I was just going in to improve myself, however slightly.



Well, it's been 6 months, and along the way lots of things have changed. First of all, my weight...



On January 15th when I weighed myself I weighed in at 265 lbs. My goal at that time was to get into the 250's...like I said...I like to take it slow and manageable!



Today, on July 15th when I weighed myself (and had my trainer look at the numbers while I looked up to the heavens) I weighed in at 213.5 lbs. That's 51.5 lbs. in 6 months! WOW! That just amazes me!



But, on a bigger level, here's what 51.5 pounds mean for ME:

• I started this wearing a 22/24 pant and usually a XXL shirt. Now I wear a 16 and most of my shirts are XL or L!


• I was shopping only in the Women's section of stores...now I can shop for clothing in the regular section!


• I got tired really easily...when outside I was looking forward to the next "break" so that I could go in, cool off, and sit down for a while. Now, I love being outside, and often find myself in the dark and having to go in because it's so late!


• I couldn't really keep up with my kids...I tried, but in all actuality, I could not. Now I can go, go, go, right along with them! They still wear me out, but not nearly as quickly as before!


• I fit better...just in normal everyday settings...I fit in chairs better...I don't feel uneasy sitting on something for fear that it will give underneath my weight. I don't worry about sitting next to someone and encroaching into their space...I fit now.


• My body is so much different. Sometimes it's hard for me to see that...I wonder if I'll always see "Fat Me" when I look in the mirror, no matter how much I lose. Many times I can see the difference, but most of the time when I pull those size 16 jeans out and get ready to put them on I have a split second of panic...these are NOT going to fit...they're WAY too small. Then I slide them on and am reminded again that "Fat Me" is shrinking away. My measurements are listed below...it amazes me how those numbers have changed in 6 months.

My fitness level has changed so much that it deserves a paragraph of it's own...not just a bullet! When I started coming to the gym in January I really thought I was OK fitness wise...not great, but not a total couch potato either. I could walk 2-3 miles...it wasn't like I was immobile. Well, now I feel really FIT! And I know that's only getting better every day!

I can run 2 miles now. I usually run 2 miles at least twice per week. I try to run a mile a couple of times a week also, in addition to my regular workouts. Wait...maybe you missed that...I CAN RUN 2 MILES NOW! All in one setting, too...no stopping to walk...no "someone call 911"...no joke. I can run 2 miles now. And, I'm going to run farther than that...yep...I'm gonna keep on going. I actually enjoy running. Never thought I'd say that!

I can do push ups...I can do planks...I know what a bunch of the equipment in this gym is called and how to use it! I can push myself and I can sweat like nobodies business....and you know what? It feels GREAT to push myself and to sweat. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do all that...I feel like I've really done something amazing.

Personally, I feel great. I have more energy. I notice a huge difference in my mood when I don't go to the gym. I love it when people haven't seen me for a while and go "Wow...you've lost a ton of weight" when they see me. Or even better "Wow...you look incredible". That makes the sacrifices and the hard work SOOOOO worth it! But even more so, just feeling the way I feel now makes it all worthwhile. I am happier, more energetic, more confident, and I feel fulfilled. I feel like I can really do anything that I set my mind to, and I feel like I deserve all of this.

In 2009 I started working out, but a family tragedy got me off track. I worked out every day until February 24th, and then everything changed. My nephew was killed in Afghanistan. We "talked" online often and he would encourage me to keep up the great work with the exercise. He even suggested several times that we would go jogging when he was home in April for his leave. Every time I run now, I think of him, and I can almost imagine him by my side, egging me on! He wouldn't have been encouraging me on, he would've been egging me on! He would've been smack-talking me and using reverse psychology to keep me going! He would be razzing me about being old and out of shape and knowing the entire time that I'd keep running just to prove him wrong! I know he's watching and probably shaking his head in amazement that I'm actually doing it.

Measurements: (January 15/July 15)

Right Arm

15.5" / 13/5"

-2.0"

Chest

47.5" / 39"

-8.5"

Waist

46" / 37.5"

-8.5"

Hips

46.5" / 39.75"

-6.75"

I'm doing it...I am losing the weight, and more importantly, I am toning and shaping my body as I lost. I am getting more fit. I am gaining strength and endurance. I am eating in such a manner that I will be able to maintain it throughout my life. I am not eating a special program or special food. I am eating what I want, but in quantities that are healthy and reasonable. I started using the bodybugg after my birthday (mid-February). I followed it and let the program work for me. I started at 2050 calories consumed per day. As I lost weight and was able I decreased the amount of calories consumed. I currently consume 1600 calories per day. Some days I am hungry, so on those days I eat more and exercise more to offset the increased calories.

I realize now that weight loss is really simple math.

Calories in minus calories out = weight loss or gain

It's not rocket science. If I want to have that glass of wine or I want to eat a few Oreos, I do...I just work it into my calories in and calories out.

Also, I must admit, in January I was not a huge believer in the benefit of a Personal Trainer. I thought it was unnecessary. Having worked with a trainer weekly since starting this, I can now say I am a big believer in the benefit of having a trainer work with you! My trainer pushes me...sometimes WAY past what I think is possible. She motivates me and reminds me how far I've come in these 6 months. She celebrates my successes and reminds me that failure is a choice and only temporary if I get back and work hard. She shows me how to work those "problem areas" where my skin is getting saggy. She changes up my training to fit my mood...she understands that some days I NEED to kick and punch the bag! If you're on the fence about a trainer...give it a try. Find a trainer that works with you and pushes you to go harder and faster. You don't want a trainer that is easy...you want the drill Sergeant!

Wherever you are with your fitness and health goals, remember that you CAN do whatever you put your mind to. Six months ago if anyone would've told me that I would be running 2 miles and have lost 50 pounds by summertime, I would've thought they were NUTS! Take it slow and manageable. Don't change your whole life in one week, but one little thing at a time. Give up regular soda (or pop for you northerners)...drink more water...go for a walk after dinner. Stop eating fast food. Stop finishing your kids' plates. All of these things can add up to a big difference over time. But, don't try to build Rome in a day...take it one step at a time and you'll achieve BIG results!

~Thursday~

Thursday is a big day for me....thursday marks 6 months since I walked into the gym as a new member and began my "Fit By Forty" journey. I'm not going to be 40 until 2012, so I gave myself plenty of time!

Thursday I will weigh in and have the trainer do my measurements. I will post all of those results here on my blog for the whole world (or the dozen people that follow me) to see! My goal in the last few weeks has been to hit 50 pounds lost by the 6 month mark. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna hit that one...I did a little sneak peak today.

But, the 50 pounds being as significant as it is, is really just a small part of a bigger and more amazing thing. I have changed SO much in 6 months. I am more confident. I am extremely more fit, and yet I have more improving to go. I am eating much much healthier and settling into a way to make that healthy eating a part of my every day life...no matter where I am or what I'm doing.

Six months and a lot of lessons learned. I am so excited for Thursday to roll around so that I can weigh in, get those measurements taken, and then share how I am so changed in those 6 months.

Until Thursday.....

Flying High

That's how I feel tonight...I am flying high! I accomplished something today that I would've laid money on never happening. Big money. Cash money. Maybe even a couple of paychecks. 'Cause the odds are totally in my favor...this will NEVER happen.

Oh, but it has...now, maybe you're wondering "What already? What amazing thing did you do?".

Well, it's not that amazing for most folks, but for me, it's HUGE.

I ran a mile. I did not stop for a recovery walk...I ran an entire mile. And, I ran that mile in 13 minutes flat nonetheless. Time isn't a huge factor for me, but running an entire mile just amazes me!

I have NEVER been a runner. NEVER. Never ever ever...NO. NEVER. I hated the running days in grade school PE...same for junior high and high school...hated those days. Tried to figure out an excuse to go to the nurse's office and get an excuse for no PE those days. Did I mention I HATED it?

But since I'm on this whole Fit By Forty, I started running a little...mostly to mix up my workouts a bit. Many days I loathe it, but every few days, I really enjoy that time that I spent running. Today the run wasn't wonderful, but finishing that mile was AWESOME!

That's what Fit By Forty has been for me...a chance to move outside of my comfort zone and find out what I can really do. Can I lose 10 pounds? Can I run for 5 minutes? Can I work with a personal trainer and not feel like a total moron?

...Yes
...Yes
...and Yes

Seeing that I CAN do it is one thing, but going beyond it...well, that's just a total other level. It's a level of happiness and sense of accomplishment that I can't really explain. It's knowing that I pushed myself beyond what I thought possible and made it possible. And that my friends, feels GREAT.

Can I lose 10 pounds?

...Yeah...how about 44.5 and counting?

Can I run 5 minutes?

...Yeah...how about a mile in 13 minutes and now pushing for more distance...a mile and 1/4 is my next target!

Can I work with a personal trainer and not feel like a total moron?

...Usually! Sometimes I do feel a bit moronic when I can't do what she's telling me to do, but I'm stubborn, so I keep pushing until I figure it out, and that feels pretty darned great! Also working with the trainer has forced me to push outside of my comfort zone and do exercises that I didn't think myself capable of. She pushes me...that's good because I need that.

We all need that...we all need that someone or that something to push us past where we're comfortable. That push shows us that we ARE capable of doing it. Maybe not all the way right now, but keep pushing and you'll get there.

I challenge you to pick something that you think you can NOT do and push yourself. Go a little further each day...go a little longer....push yourself to accomplish it. You CAN do it. You just have to believe in yourself.

A New Program...

Well, once again I have hit my goal on my current program. Waaaa Hoo! So, in order to change things up and keep it all interesting, I like to create a new program.

The hubby and I have entered a Biggest Loser Couples Challenge at the gym I go to, so I figured now is a great time to hit it.

And I mean Hit. It. Hard!

So I now have the following targets:
Target Burn 2850 (only 50 more than before)
Target Consumption 1600 (that's 300 less than before)

I have to admit...less calories is the one thing that REALLY scares me about this whole dieting thing. And that's strange, because since January I have rarely felt like I was on a diet per se. I don't usually deny myself anything. I make different choices but I don't really deny.

So 300 less calories per day...this week I don't see that as a problem. The hubby is out of town on business so it's just me and the kiddos and the one rotten dog. I can fix whatever I want for dinner and not have to worry if it's too vegetable heavy for the anti-green-food-husband. Next week could prove challenging. Although, he's good at low-cal...I mean really good. He can cut back to 1200 calories a day and not turn into the devil. I'm not saying I'm the devil, but at times it can get pretty ugly when I feel deprived.

Tonight I had a really low cal high volume dinner. What do I mean by this? Well, lots of food but not a lot of calories. I buy shrimp from Schwan's (home delivery service). I used 6 ounces of the shrimp, and then about 3 cups of fresh zucchini and yellow squash that I had cut up last night. To this I added about 1/4 cup onion, one red pepper, a can of mushrooms, and sauteed that all in the wok. I did not add any oil or anything. I liked it a lot and it was seriously a lot of food. I think after I entered it all in the BodyBugg program it was something like 400 calories. I am under my 1600 for today and have surpassed the 2850 burn, so I'm good for today.

I'm really hoping that I can do the whole Hit It Hard for 4 weeks minimum. I'm currently at 223 and I want to get under 200 SO freaking badly! I'm currently wearing 16's and I can't remember the last time I was in a 16...under 200? That one isn't even on my memory radar...seriously can not remember....early 1990's....maybe.

So I will hit it hard for the next 4 weeks. I have a family reunion the weekend of the 4th. This will involve alcohol, so hitting it hard is going to be hard that weekend. I will have to use fitness to keep me on track.

I hope that wherever you are with your health and weigh loss goals you are doing well. The sad thing isn't getting off track...it's staying off track. If you're not doing as well as you want, let tomorrow be the day that you re-commit to your changes and make good choices tomorrow! Then do the same the next day and continue. You will see results. You can do this! I'm doing it and I know that it's within reach. Don't be afraid of the hard work...the payoff is your health, and that's a HUGE payoff!

Vacation

I just got back from a week-long vacation in the Florida panhandle. No, we did not see oil, tar balls, or gunk...you know you were gonna ask!

Anyway...vacation. Dieting. Dieting on vacation. How does this work exactly? Well, here's how it worked for me. (tomorrow when I weigh in I'll tell you how well/badly it "worked") I took the bugg off a lot...we were at the BEACH after all! Basically I ate what I wanted. Within Reason.

Seriously...this is no time to start wolfing down Big Macs or Angus Burgers, although it was a bit tempting. But, having been clean from that crack since January I thought it best to not take that first hit. So, when a fast food meal was on the agenda, it was 2 snack wraps for me because I know that's about a 550 calorie meal for me.

But, I did eat what I wanted. Really...I did. We had a condo, so breakfast and lunch were there and since I bought the food I knew what I was getting calorie-wise. The resort had a fitness room, which cost $7 per day for me to use. I used it 3 times while we were there. I also golfed 9 holes and walked and carried the bag...no pull cart for me, baby!

On the days I worked out I ended up at or over 1800 calories burned by noon. My target burn is 2800, so I knew that I could hit that 1000 and WAY more by the end of the day. On the other days, I just tried to be active and not go too crazy with my eating. I had pork on Saturday night (last day of vacation). I haven't had pork since January...except for an occasional bacon on a salad or something. Wow...that porkchop did a number on my belly. I'm still feeling the effects and it's been more than 24 hours!

The main tips here are this...don't go too crazy with your eating and be as active as you can. I swam a lot and moved in the pool instead of just laying about floating. I swam in the ocean. I played with the kids. I always took the stairs up to the 3rd floor condo. I walked in the sand. I walked at a good pace to the fitness center. I stayed active.

For eating I had a lot of grilled fish, but man those folks like to douse it in butter and sauces! I poured (yeah, I said POURED) butter off of my fish one night at dinner and filled my bread plate....ugh...gross. I have found that I enjoyed the meal most when it was more "naked"...little or no sauce...maybe just a grilled fish with a fresh fruit salsa on it.

I drank a few drinks...I know those are really caloric, but I had a few drinks. I didn't get bombed, but I did have a few drinks...I was on vacation for goodness sake! I had dessert twice during the week...I could've had it every night, but I only did that twice.

Today it was back to "normal" eating. I canoed on our lake for a couple of hours. Tomorrow it's back to total normal...back to healthy eating, logging all of my food, and back to the gym!

Getting fit by forty isn't something that I'm going to do and then go back to my old wicked ways...this is a new way of life, so I need to know that I can step outside of my healthy routine and be OK...I may have gained a few pounds, but now it's time to get back to the program and get losing again.

Lori

out of my element

I packed up the kids and the dog Thursday to head to my Dad's for the long weekend. We hadn't been up here for a visit in a while so off we went.

I realized suddenly...this is the first time since starting my "Fit by Forty" adventure that I'd be out of my element! No gym...no "normal" food...no gym....did I mention no gym?

So, here's what I have learned...it's hard to be out of your element! Or it is for me anyway. No gym...OK, well I can be pretty physical here at Dad's right? Well, kinda.

I've been going up and down the hill to his beach...I cleaned up the driftwood on his beach and made a couple of big burn piles...I've been riding his stationary bike (5 miles, 8 miles, and 8 miles). But, guess what...that's still not enough! Because, I'm eating a bit crazy.

I'm trying to make decent choices....salads with no dressing....grilled chicken...but seriously, it's HARD when you're eating at local places that have no website, let alone a clue what "nutritional information menus" even are!

But, I'm doing what I can and trying to make really good choices. This is an emotional trip for several reasons, so to top off being out of my element, I want to EAT like mad because of the stress. I'm doing what I can. I'm chewing the HELL out of gum! I've done about everything I can imagine outside for him. I even took my 2 kids on a paddle boat ride this evening.

I guess the point (for me, anyway) is to try and do the best I can while I'm out of my element. Try to get exercise, try to make healthy eating choices, and then be prepared to work like hell when I get home to undo any damage I've done this weekend.

If anyone has any "out of your element" tips, do share!