Stop Vacationing in Malibu....

I have been bad.

I have been very bad.

Suddenly I kinda feel like I'm in confession, and I'm not even Catholic. Here it goes...forgive me diet for I have sinned....

I drank two weekends in a row and ate bad and am not being faithful to my bodybugg lifestyle.

Phew...that feels a little better just to get that out there.

• Drinking
• Gluttony
• Adultery

I think those three translate into one big sin...acedia. What the heck is acedia you might ask? Well, acedia is the neglect to take care of something that one should do...um, like a DIET and HEALTHY LIFESTYLE maybe? I'm just sayin'....

*confession...I didn't know any of that, I just googled "7 deadly sins" and thought that one pretty much summed up the drinking, eating, and cheating on my BodyBugg!*

Here's what I've learned. The whole "no more booze" methodology isn't really good for me. Because then, when I do allow myself to drink, I go freaking nuts! I drink WAY too much and then eat bad food...'cause I've got this "pass" or something. You know...like when they give someone a "day pass" outta the mental hospital...that's what happens to me...I get my "day pass" and drink it up.

So, I'm thinking that I need to have a drink every now and then. Then when I have a special occasion I'm not going to go hog wild and drink too much and eat bad (pork, too, which is funny since I said "hog" wild...ha ha...I crack myself up).

Here's another thing I've learned. That number of calories you BURN doesn't mean CRAP if you eat and drink like a mad woman and then fail to LOG these calories. Ugh...the truth is dirty, ugly, and painful to see, but I've GOT to LOG those calories.

Now, a few smart readers are probably wondering what this all has to do with "Vacationing in Malibu"....the title of this confessional blog post. Most of you are going "Huh...there is a title...". Well, I discovered Diet Coke and Malibu rum...THAT's where things got ugly. Party like a rock-star ugly, not like passed out in the front yard ugly. Don't get me wrong...I'm not a fall-down-drunk boozer that ate a whole chocolate cake (although, cake DOES sound good), but for ME, it was not good. I just let go of my strictness and ultimately let MYSELF down. That's what this post is really about...I let MYSELF down. I thought perhaps I could handle "Girls' Weekend" without going overboard, but I didn't. I consumed WAY too many calories in food and booze.

So, here I sit...feeling a bit sorry for myself. Maybe I should just stop the dieting and healthy living and go back to my old (and sometimes more fun) ways.

Well, that's not gonna happen. It's time to get back on that wagon (ha ha...nice word choice) and get back to "clean" eating, lots of exercise, and ALL things in moderation (but no pork). It's time to get back to logging everything I eat, even if that means I log after every meal just to keep myself honest.

I have yet to have a "gain" week during my weight loss journey. My "official" weight in last week was a bit ugly...I weighed without pants on to help get myself to a 0.5 pound loss. (I did go to the gym to weigh in with jean shorts on, which are heavier than my normal workout clothes, so the trainer suggested dropping them...maybe she just was checking me out...HA HA HA) Now, I know that was stupid, but I could not deal with the emotion of having a gain. I'm afraid I might have to weigh naked tomorrow! What a wicked web we weave with this tangle of lies....even when the only person we're lying to is our self.

Tomorrow, I'm going in with the standard workout clothes and I'm taking whatever comes up on that scale. Honestly...I'm even going to enter that in the body bugg program and quite possibly see that negative feedback of the disapproving man wagging his finger at me like a bad kid (I've HEARD about this guy, but never seen him myself). It's time to get real, so tomorrow, it's real baby. (Am I the only one thinking "reality bites" right now????)

I do deal with it all with a bit (or two bits) of humor...if I can't laugh about it (while I'm correcting it) I'm gonna scream, so, much better to laugh, poke a little fun at myself, and MOVE ON. That's the key...move on....move past it and DO BETTER.

Now, on to other news of note, I have faced an incredible loss in my personal life. My partner and trusted feedback provider during this journey to Fit By Forty has left me.

That's right...my bodybugg died. Dead. Gone. Shipped to BodyBugg heaven. I'm gonna miss her...she really meant a lot to me, but a new, fresh BodyBugg is currently making it's way across the country to me so that I can continue with a new partner in this crazy journey. Today I went to the gym (for the first time since mid-February, mind you) without my Bugg on. First I ran 2 miles. Then I did some weights. While I was running those 2 miles (I am NOT kidding here) I swear to you I was having some phantom BodyBugg feeling...I kept feeling it on my arm as I ran along...I'd look down and nothing is on my arm, but I swear I could feel it. This does, obviously make me a bit concerned for my own mental health, but I'm gonna just hope that when the time comes and I no longer need the Bugg that I can stop wearing it and not have freaky phantom Bugg issues...time will tell!

Working out tonight without it was really difficult. I knew that normally on a 4 mile run I burn 1000 calories (that's the perk of being 215...you burn more than those skinny bitch 115 lb. runners). So, I figured I probably burned about 500 on the 2 mile, but I sure would've liked to have known FOR SURE. I told the trainer that it felt like wasted exercise, 'cause I couldn't say "I burned 650 while I was here".

Come on Brown...WHAT can you do for me? Can you get my Bugg back to me before Friday? I may go insane without it. God help the UPS man...I'm gonna be stalking him!

Oh, yeah, and just so you know...I am totally running now. HA! You guys have NO CLUE how funny THAT statement is. In January of this year I was a 265 pound girl who was NOT ABOUT to run for any reason. No....Freaking....Way.

Now I just hop on that old treadmill and run my little ass off. OK, big ass, but you get the picture. I did a bit of running research and have decided that I'm going to do one "long" run per week and then on the other alternating days do a shorter run and try to get a bit faster. I did the "long" run on Monday...4 miles. Tuesday was working with the trainer. (THAT bitch is the one that introduced me to Diet Coke and Malibu...we're gonna have to stop hanging out now...ha ha ha). Today I did 2 miles in 27 minutes and then some weights. I've decided that 4 is going to be my "long" run and I'll do 2 the other days. I'm going to gradually increase that "Long" run from 4 to 5 miles. That's where I'm stopping...5 miles is max for me folks. You heard it here first.

Well, it is time to step out of the confessional and get busy with my life. We're all going to face struggles from time to time. The key is knowing what triggers those struggles and how to get back on track. I know that drinking gives my brain some kind of carte blanche for eating poorly. Now I need to not drink to the excess where I say "sure, I'll have some of that....and that...oh, and a piece of that is great too". A long time ago (in a blog post far, far away) I said that the BodyBugg works if you LET it...you have to work it for it to work for you. You have to log that food...and you have to be HONEST about logging the food. Then, and ONLY then will you see the success that is totally possible with the BodyBugg.