Time Marches On...Are You Marching or Standing Still?

A year ago I was, quite frankly, a mess. I was a complete wreck...physically and emotionally. Everything came to a head one night after hitting the wine trail with some friends. A great friend...an old friend...had come along as my "date". After departing the drunk bus, we headed to McDonald's for some grub before heading home. She was staying the night to avoid the drive home, so we knew we'd have some good "girlfriend gab" time. It was just what I needed.

See, I think you have some friends that are surface friends. They see what's on the surface and don't dig any deeper. If you say you're fine...then you're fine and everyone moves on. Then there are those "below the surface" friends. Those are the ones that hear "I'm a friggin' mess" when you say "I'm fine" and they DIG...they dig deep baby, 'cause that's the kind of friend they are, and they WANT to help.

Debbie is a "below the surface" friend. We've seen each other through job changes, births, marriage troubles, family troubles, death, and just about any other miserable thing one can endure. Let me say...for the record...Debbie isn't my only "below the surface" friend. I am blessed to have several. But, she was there that night, and she did the digging that led to my return to life.

We started talking about the past 8-9 months. So much had happened in my life...Schuyler (my nephew) was killed in Afghanistan...my Mom died unexpectedly...physically I was a mess on a whole other level. My weight had increased to probably the highest it had ever been. I was severely depressed but hadn't admitted it to myself. But Debbie asked...she asked how I was.

"Fine...doing ok."

"No, REALLY...how are you DOING?" (this is digging deeper)

I thought about that and ended up breaking down completely. I lost it. I was not fine and it was time to face that.

Debbie and I talked at length that night. Maybe it was having a trusted friend...maybe it was the wine...maybe it was just time...or maybe it was a combination of all of these. But this would end up being the night that changed everything. Debbie encouraged me to talk to someone about medication. She got me to admit that I was depressed...really, really depressed. And she got me to realize that it wasn't getting any better as time went on, but actually getting progressively worse. She helped me realize that I needed help in getting out of the fog.

So, I ended up taking Lexapro to help me deal with the depression. Thankfully that worked really well for me and helped me climb out of the hole that I was stuck in. I made it through the holidays...those first holidays without Schuyler and Mom. I made it to January 2010...a new year and hopefully a happier year.

And what a happier year it's been. Life isn't without sadness...nobody should expect that. But, I have found that HOW you deal with those disappointing or sad times makes a world of difference. I'm not the eternal optimist, but I do try to see something good even in the most difficult of situations. I am trying to look at the simple things in my life that bring me happiness. The year after Schuyler and Mom died there was a LOT of family time...LOTS and LOTS....and those were really happy, really comforting times. The 6 hour drive to visit "home" isn't such a "task" anymore, but a destination where fun times and memories are being made.

Mid-January I decided that my mental health was on the right track so it was time to get my physical heath in check as well. I started this "Fit By Forty" journey, and honestly, I would NEVER have imagined I would be where I am today. In January I weighed 265 pounds. I was wearing a 22/24 and XXL shirt. I THOUGHT I felt pretty good. Then I started losing the weight. Initially I set small goals...at 265 my goal was to be in the 250's. At 259, my goal was to be in the 240's...and so on.

Here I am...the end of September and beating down the door to under 200! I am at 203 as of this morning. I am wearing a 16 jean comfortably, and a 14 is button-able and zippable, but not comfortable! YET. I buy Large shirts. My shoe size has even gotten smaller! From a 9.5 EE to a 8.5 B.

But, the best thing about all this isn't the numbers. It is how I FEEL. I feel energized. I want to go DO something...not just lay low. I am active...I am happy...I am fit.

Life is good.

So, this brings me to the title..."Time Marches On...Are You Marching or Standing Still?".

I was totally standing still in 2009. But 2010? Oh, in 2010 I'm Marching...I'm leading-the-band marching....and it feels GREAT.

Life is hard...nobody should expect it not to be. But how you deal with those curve balls you're thrown will make a HUGE difference in whether or not you march or stand still.

Maybe life is like living in the jungle...the weak, injured animal that stays still is going to be the one to get eaten by the mighty lion. It's OK to be weak and injured, just don't stay still for too long so that the lion has to go elsewhere for his dinner.

L

An Update

It has been a fair amount of time since my last post, and for that I apologize. Like everyone else, life has been crazy and I just haven't taken the time to write. So, here's what's been going on in my "diet world".

I bought a treadmill and have been using it a LOT! I am using Daily Mile to track my mileage because another blog that I read is doing a "500 miles in a year" thing and I need to be able to easily keep track of the miles I'm putting in each week. Hubby got wireless headphones, which are totally cool because I can watch something on the DVR and crank it way up so that I can hear it while running and not worry about waking the kids up! Sweet! Loving that! I ran/walked a 5K this morning on the treadmill...my burns this week have been really great (very high).

I hit 205 this week...so close to finally under 200! So, it is time to get back to business and get those pounds OFF! I have not been logging my food in the program for a while. I am paying attention to what I eat, and hitting my burn target, but I have not been logging/weighing/measuring like I was before. Granted, the number on the scale is going DOWN, so I'm not too worried, but it's going slower than before, so I think that it's time to get back to business to get it to move a little faster.

Today I logged my food for the first time in quite a while. I logged just under 1800, which is my target, so I think I'm doing pretty well keeping that running total in my head daily. When I hit 190, that will be 75 pounds gone. Then I'm going to ease up on logging the food and settle in to a slower pace for weight LOSS through the rest of the year. HOWEVER...IF I gain, it's back to logging the food. I think I can manage fine (if the past several weeks are any indication) but I love the fact that the Body Bugg gives me that tool, should I need it. It also gives me the flexibility of not logging the food and still being able to use the burn numbers to gauge where I'm at.

So, in a nutshell, that's where I'm at. I bought a pair of size 14 jeans this week. I started this wearing 22/24's. I bought the 14's because they were a great deal ($15) and was pleasantly surprised that not only could I get them on, but I could button AND zip them! Granted, I wouldn't want to wear them for a LONG time, because they were TIGHT, but I got them on and in 10 pounds, I'm totally rockin' those babies!

Keeping my eye on under 200!

Lori

The Race

On Saturday, September 4th I participated in a 4 mile road race in my hometown of Kewanee, IL. I was hoping to finish the race in under an hour...preferably without dying.

I finished. I so totally finished. I finished in 46 minutes and some odd seconds. That's a little under a 12 minute mile. HOLY MOLY.

Push yourself...strive for something a little outside of your comfort zone. You will be amazed at how amazing you feel when you accomplish that thing you pushed for.

Here are a couple of tips I figured out at my first ever organized race.

• If the race provides a chip for your shoe for "official" times, attach the chip HIGHER (toward your ankle) instead of lower, toward your toes. Why, you ask? Well, it is possible that the chip will wedge in your shoe in a spot and press down on your toe, causing your big toe (maybe even the one on your right foot) to go totally numb. (Can you tell I learned this from experience???)
• Don't get frustrated when what seems like the entire field of participants passes you before the first 1/2 mile! I was really getting bummed out, but I ran at my own pace, and finished in about 12 minutes less than I had guessed. Don't get frustrated...you're out there...you're doing it. Who cares of you're the last one to cross the line? You crossed it...that's more than most people can say!
• The race packet includes a bib (participant #) and 4 safety pins. Hey, guess what Einstein...they give you 4 pins for a reason. It's irritating if while you're running the bib flys up and hits ya in the face if you were too stupid to pin it at the bottom...I'm just sayin'...
• Some rockin' music is a great asset you respond to that kind of stuff...just make sure your headphones are secure (as in maybe UNDER your shirt) otherwise they're gonna get tangled in your hands and nothin' hurts like ripping the ear bud outta your ear several times!

And, most of all, have fun. Give yourself some credit...you're doing it. You're rockin' it!

Compliments

Compliments are nice, but not everyone knows how to take one. I'm one of those people. I never have been able to take a compliment. I usually pop back with some smart assed retort to make comedy out of the situation. Not a good thing, but just the way I am.

I've had a lot of compliments lately, so that whole thing has gotten really strange for me! People are noticing that I've lot a lot of weight, and comments are being made about that...people notice, then they compliment, then they ask how I'm doing it.

I'm really trying to get better at accepting a compliment and not get embarrassed. Yesterday, a friend's husband saw me, didn't really recognize me (I had sunglasses on) and then when I took them off, he came over, gave me a huge hug, and grabbed my ass. Now, this may seem shocking to some, but I am not the kind of person that this is going to offend, nor is my husband. And, this friend is not the kind of guy you'd be shocked at for doing something like that! It's just the way he is...and I'm ok with that! Hell, that's one of the reasons I like him!

Well, my face went BEET RED when it happened! It's nice to be recognized for my hard work, but some times it's just embarrassing!

Moving on...we're at the football game a few hours later. Jeff was talking to someone else and I was distracted and BAM...outta no where some guy is hugging me and grabbing my ass. Two times in one day? What the.... Well, it was one of our best friends, and again, this is not unusual behavior for him, so it's all good.

Maybe now I should start feeling like a hot momma....but I'm not quite ready for that.

Moving on to today. It's girls' breakfast...a little gathering of some of the gals for breakfast after the kids go to school. We sit, talk, eat, talk, talk...talk....it's just a nice time for all of us. One of the gals that lives in the neighborhood tell me that her son, who graduated high school in May recently said to her something to the effect of "That Lori Martin is starting to look HOT".

OH
MY
GOD

OK, now THAT one...well, that one takes the rice cake, folks! That completely cracks me up, and probably flatters me more than 2 good male friends giving me their "swat" of approval. Wow...seriously? Hot...me??? Oh my...now, that is flattering!

I hope you all have a flattering weekend, filled with plenty of compliments that you gracefully accept!