The past week or so has been really "telling" of my weight loss thus far. It's kinda funny how we see ourselves as the old heavier person, no matter how much we lose. Thirty plus pounds is a lot of weight, so when I got sick of being able to take my jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping them I figured it was time to do a little shopping. My initial thought was no new clothes until I hit my goal weight, but this is unrealistic for several reasons.
First of all, I can't be walking around with my pants on the ground. Even though it's a popular song, it's not a popular sight for my friends, family, and perfect strangers. Also, since I don't really know WHAT my goal weight is, how do I measure when I'm there? So, it was time to grab the purse and head out for some new clothes.
I have a pair of jeans that my friend Tracy gave me while she was melting away. These jeans are 18's. Most of the pants in my closet are 22/24's. Well, just for grins I tried on those 18 jeans last week and do you know what? They fit. And not in a "lay-on-the-bed-and-don't-breathe" kinda way either. I wore 'em all night and a few hours after putting them on I found myself pulling them up. Well....maybe it was time to get a few new pants.
So off I went. Here's the mentality I went on my quest with...I will get some new pants, capris, and shorts for the summer. I will try on 16's and even though I'm sure they're going to be really tight, I'm going to buy those and let that tightness remind me that I'm still losing weight and I need to stay away from bad food! In the store I went...picking up some 16W's as I browsed around. This particular store has 2 sides...women's on one side...misses on the other. I've never been over to "the other side" as I had no need to see the smaller stuff.
I gathered a few things and proceeded to the dressing room. Here's where I really had to give myself a talking to. "Now is not the time to get frustrated and throw in the towel. The 16's are going to be tight, but that's what you're here for, so try 'em on, suck it up, and realize that you have to work for a few weeks but these clothes will be wearable soon enough." Or something like that, but that was the general gist of my conversation with myself.
I slipped that first pair of shorts on and amazingly enough, they zipped and buttoned without the jaws of life having to be called in. Hmmmm....interesting. So, I proceeded to shop and gather some more things. I am now shopping for shirts on the MISSES side, as the smallest size on the women's side is just too big. Zoweeee Mama!
Now, on to tonight. My closet is big. It is really big. And really FULL. Full of clothes. Big clothes. Really full of big clothes.
Mentally I know that I have to get rid of them...I do not need the crutch. I don't need them in case I fail. Failure is simply not an option anymore. Failure is going to kill me and I want to live.
Tonight was the night. I'm not sure why I was inspired to start sorting through, but I was, so I went with it. I took out pants and the occasional skirt. I sorted them into two piles...18/20's and 22/24's. The larger size is the larger pile. Every once in a while I'd hold up a pair of the 22/24 pants....they looked really big, but on the other hand, they looked like they'd still fit. Hell, I even pulled a pair on to make sure there hadn't been some crazy error of physics and I can actually still wear a 22/24. But, 'tis not to be...the 22/24's are WAYYYYYYYY too big, so into the pile they went.
Once I had gotten the pants out of one section of my closet I took the piles to the guest bedroom and stacked the piles. I think I'll try craigslist first and see if I can get some cash out of them. Many of them have tags still on them. Most are in really good condition, and the few really worn jeans went into the trash instead of the sell/give-away pile.
Wow...22/24. How did that happen? The sad thing is that when I look at my 16 body I don't see much difference. I still see that really overweight woman that's been staring back at me for so very long. I'm sure I'll start to get used to the 16 Lori in time. For now I'm going to focus on ridding my closet (and my life) of these clothes and focus on the next 10 pounds. I'm glad that I can get the clothes out and maybe even have a little extra cash for my next shopping trip.
My next shopping trip will come when I can transition from 16Women's to a regular 16. At that point I will no longer be shopping in the women's section...I will be Misses all the way! I bought a pair of 16 jeans to use as a monthly gauge. I will try those babies on the first of every month to see my progress towards the misses department. In the meantime I'm going to try and get a little more used to my smaller body, and try to make it a little smaller as I go!