Stop Vacationing in Malibu....

I have been bad.

I have been very bad.

Suddenly I kinda feel like I'm in confession, and I'm not even Catholic. Here it goes...forgive me diet for I have sinned....

I drank two weekends in a row and ate bad and am not being faithful to my bodybugg lifestyle.

Phew...that feels a little better just to get that out there.

• Drinking
• Gluttony
• Adultery

I think those three translate into one big sin...acedia. What the heck is acedia you might ask? Well, acedia is the neglect to take care of something that one should do...um, like a DIET and HEALTHY LIFESTYLE maybe? I'm just sayin'....

*confession...I didn't know any of that, I just googled "7 deadly sins" and thought that one pretty much summed up the drinking, eating, and cheating on my BodyBugg!*

Here's what I've learned. The whole "no more booze" methodology isn't really good for me. Because then, when I do allow myself to drink, I go freaking nuts! I drink WAY too much and then eat bad food...'cause I've got this "pass" or something. You know...like when they give someone a "day pass" outta the mental hospital...that's what happens to me...I get my "day pass" and drink it up.

So, I'm thinking that I need to have a drink every now and then. Then when I have a special occasion I'm not going to go hog wild and drink too much and eat bad (pork, too, which is funny since I said "hog" wild...ha ha...I crack myself up).

Here's another thing I've learned. That number of calories you BURN doesn't mean CRAP if you eat and drink like a mad woman and then fail to LOG these calories. Ugh...the truth is dirty, ugly, and painful to see, but I've GOT to LOG those calories.

Now, a few smart readers are probably wondering what this all has to do with "Vacationing in Malibu"....the title of this confessional blog post. Most of you are going "Huh...there is a title...". Well, I discovered Diet Coke and Malibu rum...THAT's where things got ugly. Party like a rock-star ugly, not like passed out in the front yard ugly. Don't get me wrong...I'm not a fall-down-drunk boozer that ate a whole chocolate cake (although, cake DOES sound good), but for ME, it was not good. I just let go of my strictness and ultimately let MYSELF down. That's what this post is really about...I let MYSELF down. I thought perhaps I could handle "Girls' Weekend" without going overboard, but I didn't. I consumed WAY too many calories in food and booze.

So, here I sit...feeling a bit sorry for myself. Maybe I should just stop the dieting and healthy living and go back to my old (and sometimes more fun) ways.

Well, that's not gonna happen. It's time to get back on that wagon (ha ha...nice word choice) and get back to "clean" eating, lots of exercise, and ALL things in moderation (but no pork). It's time to get back to logging everything I eat, even if that means I log after every meal just to keep myself honest.

I have yet to have a "gain" week during my weight loss journey. My "official" weight in last week was a bit ugly...I weighed without pants on to help get myself to a 0.5 pound loss. (I did go to the gym to weigh in with jean shorts on, which are heavier than my normal workout clothes, so the trainer suggested dropping them...maybe she just was checking me out...HA HA HA) Now, I know that was stupid, but I could not deal with the emotion of having a gain. I'm afraid I might have to weigh naked tomorrow! What a wicked web we weave with this tangle of lies....even when the only person we're lying to is our self.

Tomorrow, I'm going in with the standard workout clothes and I'm taking whatever comes up on that scale. Honestly...I'm even going to enter that in the body bugg program and quite possibly see that negative feedback of the disapproving man wagging his finger at me like a bad kid (I've HEARD about this guy, but never seen him myself). It's time to get real, so tomorrow, it's real baby. (Am I the only one thinking "reality bites" right now????)

I do deal with it all with a bit (or two bits) of humor...if I can't laugh about it (while I'm correcting it) I'm gonna scream, so, much better to laugh, poke a little fun at myself, and MOVE ON. That's the key...move on....move past it and DO BETTER.

Now, on to other news of note, I have faced an incredible loss in my personal life. My partner and trusted feedback provider during this journey to Fit By Forty has left me.

That's right...my bodybugg died. Dead. Gone. Shipped to BodyBugg heaven. I'm gonna miss her...she really meant a lot to me, but a new, fresh BodyBugg is currently making it's way across the country to me so that I can continue with a new partner in this crazy journey. Today I went to the gym (for the first time since mid-February, mind you) without my Bugg on. First I ran 2 miles. Then I did some weights. While I was running those 2 miles (I am NOT kidding here) I swear to you I was having some phantom BodyBugg feeling...I kept feeling it on my arm as I ran along...I'd look down and nothing is on my arm, but I swear I could feel it. This does, obviously make me a bit concerned for my own mental health, but I'm gonna just hope that when the time comes and I no longer need the Bugg that I can stop wearing it and not have freaky phantom Bugg issues...time will tell!

Working out tonight without it was really difficult. I knew that normally on a 4 mile run I burn 1000 calories (that's the perk of being 215...you burn more than those skinny bitch 115 lb. runners). So, I figured I probably burned about 500 on the 2 mile, but I sure would've liked to have known FOR SURE. I told the trainer that it felt like wasted exercise, 'cause I couldn't say "I burned 650 while I was here".

Come on Brown...WHAT can you do for me? Can you get my Bugg back to me before Friday? I may go insane without it. God help the UPS man...I'm gonna be stalking him!

Oh, yeah, and just so you know...I am totally running now. HA! You guys have NO CLUE how funny THAT statement is. In January of this year I was a 265 pound girl who was NOT ABOUT to run for any reason. No....Freaking....Way.

Now I just hop on that old treadmill and run my little ass off. OK, big ass, but you get the picture. I did a bit of running research and have decided that I'm going to do one "long" run per week and then on the other alternating days do a shorter run and try to get a bit faster. I did the "long" run on Monday...4 miles. Tuesday was working with the trainer. (THAT bitch is the one that introduced me to Diet Coke and Malibu...we're gonna have to stop hanging out now...ha ha ha). Today I did 2 miles in 27 minutes and then some weights. I've decided that 4 is going to be my "long" run and I'll do 2 the other days. I'm going to gradually increase that "Long" run from 4 to 5 miles. That's where I'm stopping...5 miles is max for me folks. You heard it here first.

Well, it is time to step out of the confessional and get busy with my life. We're all going to face struggles from time to time. The key is knowing what triggers those struggles and how to get back on track. I know that drinking gives my brain some kind of carte blanche for eating poorly. Now I need to not drink to the excess where I say "sure, I'll have some of that....and that...oh, and a piece of that is great too". A long time ago (in a blog post far, far away) I said that the BodyBugg works if you LET it...you have to work it for it to work for you. You have to log that food...and you have to be HONEST about logging the food. Then, and ONLY then will you see the success that is totally possible with the BodyBugg.

Six Months

Today marks the 6 month "anniversary" of the day I first walked into the gym as a new member. My thoughts at that point were simple...



~workout a few times per week

~get out of the 260's

~gradually get more fit and have more endurance



I had no huge expectations...I was more than willing to take it slow and see how it went. I had no grandiose thoughts of "I'm going to lose 25 pounds" or "I'm going to drop 3 sizes"....I was just going in to improve myself, however slightly.



Well, it's been 6 months, and along the way lots of things have changed. First of all, my weight...



On January 15th when I weighed myself I weighed in at 265 lbs. My goal at that time was to get into the 250's...like I said...I like to take it slow and manageable!



Today, on July 15th when I weighed myself (and had my trainer look at the numbers while I looked up to the heavens) I weighed in at 213.5 lbs. That's 51.5 lbs. in 6 months! WOW! That just amazes me!



But, on a bigger level, here's what 51.5 pounds mean for ME:

• I started this wearing a 22/24 pant and usually a XXL shirt. Now I wear a 16 and most of my shirts are XL or L!


• I was shopping only in the Women's section of stores...now I can shop for clothing in the regular section!


• I got tired really easily...when outside I was looking forward to the next "break" so that I could go in, cool off, and sit down for a while. Now, I love being outside, and often find myself in the dark and having to go in because it's so late!


• I couldn't really keep up with my kids...I tried, but in all actuality, I could not. Now I can go, go, go, right along with them! They still wear me out, but not nearly as quickly as before!


• I fit better...just in normal everyday settings...I fit in chairs better...I don't feel uneasy sitting on something for fear that it will give underneath my weight. I don't worry about sitting next to someone and encroaching into their space...I fit now.


• My body is so much different. Sometimes it's hard for me to see that...I wonder if I'll always see "Fat Me" when I look in the mirror, no matter how much I lose. Many times I can see the difference, but most of the time when I pull those size 16 jeans out and get ready to put them on I have a split second of panic...these are NOT going to fit...they're WAY too small. Then I slide them on and am reminded again that "Fat Me" is shrinking away. My measurements are listed below...it amazes me how those numbers have changed in 6 months.

My fitness level has changed so much that it deserves a paragraph of it's own...not just a bullet! When I started coming to the gym in January I really thought I was OK fitness wise...not great, but not a total couch potato either. I could walk 2-3 miles...it wasn't like I was immobile. Well, now I feel really FIT! And I know that's only getting better every day!

I can run 2 miles now. I usually run 2 miles at least twice per week. I try to run a mile a couple of times a week also, in addition to my regular workouts. Wait...maybe you missed that...I CAN RUN 2 MILES NOW! All in one setting, too...no stopping to walk...no "someone call 911"...no joke. I can run 2 miles now. And, I'm going to run farther than that...yep...I'm gonna keep on going. I actually enjoy running. Never thought I'd say that!

I can do push ups...I can do planks...I know what a bunch of the equipment in this gym is called and how to use it! I can push myself and I can sweat like nobodies business....and you know what? It feels GREAT to push myself and to sweat. I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do all that...I feel like I've really done something amazing.

Personally, I feel great. I have more energy. I notice a huge difference in my mood when I don't go to the gym. I love it when people haven't seen me for a while and go "Wow...you've lost a ton of weight" when they see me. Or even better "Wow...you look incredible". That makes the sacrifices and the hard work SOOOOO worth it! But even more so, just feeling the way I feel now makes it all worthwhile. I am happier, more energetic, more confident, and I feel fulfilled. I feel like I can really do anything that I set my mind to, and I feel like I deserve all of this.

In 2009 I started working out, but a family tragedy got me off track. I worked out every day until February 24th, and then everything changed. My nephew was killed in Afghanistan. We "talked" online often and he would encourage me to keep up the great work with the exercise. He even suggested several times that we would go jogging when he was home in April for his leave. Every time I run now, I think of him, and I can almost imagine him by my side, egging me on! He wouldn't have been encouraging me on, he would've been egging me on! He would've been smack-talking me and using reverse psychology to keep me going! He would be razzing me about being old and out of shape and knowing the entire time that I'd keep running just to prove him wrong! I know he's watching and probably shaking his head in amazement that I'm actually doing it.

Measurements: (January 15/July 15)

Right Arm

15.5" / 13/5"

-2.0"

Chest

47.5" / 39"

-8.5"

Waist

46" / 37.5"

-8.5"

Hips

46.5" / 39.75"

-6.75"

I'm doing it...I am losing the weight, and more importantly, I am toning and shaping my body as I lost. I am getting more fit. I am gaining strength and endurance. I am eating in such a manner that I will be able to maintain it throughout my life. I am not eating a special program or special food. I am eating what I want, but in quantities that are healthy and reasonable. I started using the bodybugg after my birthday (mid-February). I followed it and let the program work for me. I started at 2050 calories consumed per day. As I lost weight and was able I decreased the amount of calories consumed. I currently consume 1600 calories per day. Some days I am hungry, so on those days I eat more and exercise more to offset the increased calories.

I realize now that weight loss is really simple math.

Calories in minus calories out = weight loss or gain

It's not rocket science. If I want to have that glass of wine or I want to eat a few Oreos, I do...I just work it into my calories in and calories out.

Also, I must admit, in January I was not a huge believer in the benefit of a Personal Trainer. I thought it was unnecessary. Having worked with a trainer weekly since starting this, I can now say I am a big believer in the benefit of having a trainer work with you! My trainer pushes me...sometimes WAY past what I think is possible. She motivates me and reminds me how far I've come in these 6 months. She celebrates my successes and reminds me that failure is a choice and only temporary if I get back and work hard. She shows me how to work those "problem areas" where my skin is getting saggy. She changes up my training to fit my mood...she understands that some days I NEED to kick and punch the bag! If you're on the fence about a trainer...give it a try. Find a trainer that works with you and pushes you to go harder and faster. You don't want a trainer that is easy...you want the drill Sergeant!

Wherever you are with your fitness and health goals, remember that you CAN do whatever you put your mind to. Six months ago if anyone would've told me that I would be running 2 miles and have lost 50 pounds by summertime, I would've thought they were NUTS! Take it slow and manageable. Don't change your whole life in one week, but one little thing at a time. Give up regular soda (or pop for you northerners)...drink more water...go for a walk after dinner. Stop eating fast food. Stop finishing your kids' plates. All of these things can add up to a big difference over time. But, don't try to build Rome in a day...take it one step at a time and you'll achieve BIG results!

~Thursday~

Thursday is a big day for me....thursday marks 6 months since I walked into the gym as a new member and began my "Fit By Forty" journey. I'm not going to be 40 until 2012, so I gave myself plenty of time!

Thursday I will weigh in and have the trainer do my measurements. I will post all of those results here on my blog for the whole world (or the dozen people that follow me) to see! My goal in the last few weeks has been to hit 50 pounds lost by the 6 month mark. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna hit that one...I did a little sneak peak today.

But, the 50 pounds being as significant as it is, is really just a small part of a bigger and more amazing thing. I have changed SO much in 6 months. I am more confident. I am extremely more fit, and yet I have more improving to go. I am eating much much healthier and settling into a way to make that healthy eating a part of my every day life...no matter where I am or what I'm doing.

Six months and a lot of lessons learned. I am so excited for Thursday to roll around so that I can weigh in, get those measurements taken, and then share how I am so changed in those 6 months.

Until Thursday.....