The Struggle

The followers of this blog know that I have been using the Body Bugg to help me with my weight loss. Once I hit under 200 I thought it was time to take a little break from the constant logging of food and being so extremely diligent about my weight loss. A pound a week was probably very do-able without the constant logging.

...um, yeah....RIGHT.....

Here's the thing. I have lost. And then I'd gain. Thanksgiving was KILLER for me! I had lost a few pounds from Monday to Thursday, but then when I went to weigh in Monday...I had gained what I had lost and then some. All in a week's time.

So, what seems like a depressing reality to me is just simply reality. The reality is this...I have to be not only conscious of what I eat, but VERY conscious. So, I am logging food again. And what I saw today really surprised me.

I logged food for months in the Body Bugg program. Months and months and months. But, I also lost pounds and pounds and more pounds! So by the time I stopped logging I was pretty dead on for estimating my calorie target intake every day. Well, apparently for me that really slides when you add a little this here and a little that there.

I just sat down and logged in breakfast, am snack, lunch, and pm snack. That leaves me with a whopping 450 calories left for dinner. Really? I was pretty sure I had at least 6-700 available. Ouch. But, the most amazing thing wasn't the fewer calories, it was my NUTRITIONAL breakdown. When I was in the big "dropping pounds like crazy" phase of this I had a hard time getting enough fat in my diet. Yeah, you read that right.

So, imagine my surprise when today I logged in what I had eaten thus far and realized that not only was my fat intake WAY off the chart for me for a day, but my sodium was also. Ouch...did I mention OUCH?

Do I love logging my food? NO. But, am I going to get back to doing it to help me get those last 30 (well, more like 35 now) pounds off? YES. Abso-freakin-lutely. Because I didn't work this hard for this long to toss it away. I want to get a comfortable 20-30 pounds away from 200 so that I can absolutely say I will NEVER see the 200's again.

I must admit...I normally have NO problem getting the "calories burned" target in. I can hit that target every day, so I had this false sense of security that I was staying within my "calories consumed" target. Apparently I was hitting the target and then some. Time to get real. Granted, it's the holidays so eating healthy EVERY DAY will be a bit of a challenge, but I intend on being good MOST of the time and over-correcting for those days when I totally blow it.

Stay tuned....

Tomorrow is the day!

So anyone that's been around my blog for a while knows that I have participated in several "Biggest Loser" type challenges at my gym. These competitions are good for me, because frankly, I don't like to lose!

Unfortunately, I haven't been involved in any competition for a while and I think I'm in need of a good old competition. This is why, when recently I was browsing the body bugg website message board, a particular post caught my eye.

The post was for people needing to lose those last 20-30 pounds.

Normally I would've glanced at it and gone on reading posts that are relevant to me. BUT, I paused for a moment...20-30 pounds. Wow, that is FINALLY me. In all honesty, I'd be pretty happy with 15 pounds, but then the competitiveness of me kicks in. Why lose 85 pounds? Go for 100, 'cause really, doesn't "I lost 100 pounds" sound so much more epic than "I lost 85 pounds"???

Well, not really, because both are totally epic, but to my deranged head, go for the wow-factor of 100!

So, sitting at 70 lost I'm thinking....20-30 pounds...that is ME! I'm going to join this group.

Now, please let me make perfectly clear...this group is NOT a competition. There is no prize for the person that hits their goal first. We weigh in on Monday, post our stats, and then the group organizer keeps track of all of that and reports on how we're doing.

It's just the whole THOUGHT of it for me, though. I want to see those other folks' numbers and see if I can just make mine a LITTLE better....what a nut job, right? Seriously, I am...total freaking nut job.

BUT...if THAT is what it takes to help me get these last 20-30 off, then SO BE IT! Bring on the competition moves baby, 'cause I'm READY and I NEED the motivation!

So tomorrow it begins. Today there is no accountability. I eat, I exercise, I lose a little, and life goes on. Tomorrow, it's on like Donkey Kong. Because tomorrow there is going to be someone else looking at that number from MY scale. And they're possibly gonna think "Hmmmm...she's about my weight...wonder if I can lose more than she does this month....". Or, maybe NOT, but there COULD be, and so because of that, I will be motivated.

Sick, aren't I?

The point in all of this is to know what motivates you, and if a little competition motivates you, then go for it! Or if a cute little black dress or pair of jeans that's a size smaller than what you currently wear motivate you....plaster it to the fridge! Find your motivation BEFORE you need it. Then, when you start to stall, bust out the motivation and work it! Use the motivation to help drive you closer to your goals!

I will keep you posted on how the first weigh in goes and which of the group members I've got my focus set to!

Lori

The HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!

Seriously, is anything worse for a person on a diet than the holidays? I think not. I think this time of year should be renamed the Terrifying Trifecta or some such, because seriously, this is a hard time to eat healthy.

BUT...it is NO TIME to give in, either. Now is the time to buckle down and get serious. I'm serious...time to get serious. I have decided that even though getting totally serious and continuing to lose 2 lbs per week would be GOOD, it is actually BETTER for ME to cut the loss back to maybe 1 pound per week and ENJOY the season.

That's right...I'm going to ENJOY the season.

Now, let me state right here and now (before some of you run out and grab a pint of Ben and Jerry's) that when I say ENJOY I don't mean GO INSANE.

I can enjoy an occasional dessert...I can enjoy some of the kids Halloween candy...I can enjoy a few glasses of wine at a party. But I'm not going to go insane and eat every thing within my reach and drink the liquor cabinet dry.

There is an easy medium between total denial and total free-for-all consumption.

You just have to find YOUR easy medium.

Here's what's working for me:

• Halloween candy: Yep, I ate some, and I continue to eat some! Today, however, I set my absolute LIMIT at 2 pieces. I enjoyed those 2 pieces and will not eat any more. I ate some on Halloween night...I even "helped" the kids demolish the scary gingerbread house. I didn't DENY myself, but I did enjoy SOME, but just not ALL.
• Pumpkin anything: I'm a sucker for fall flavors. Pumpkin bars, pumpkin soup, pumpkin spice latte, etc....etc....etc. I LOVE it. So, I will enjoy a bit here and there...again, not total denial, but I'm not going to eat the whole plate either.
• Thanksgiving: I host Thanksgiving at our home. My sister-in-law actually called me to make sure I wasn't going to be serving a "Tofu Turkey and/or all diet food". Ha ha! No, my Thanksgiving menu will be the same...the same stuff my Mom always fixed, and the same stuff I've fixed since taking it over 9 years ago. But, you can bet your sweet bippy that after enjoying all of that stuff I'm going to be making darned sure I burn a LOT of calories that day, the day after, and after that, and probably even after that. You've gotta off-set the extra consumption by extra burn!
• Christmas: Sorry...no wise words of wisdom here. I honestly have to get through Thanksgiving before I can wrap my head around Christmas. I wish the stores wouldn't put a single Christmas thing out until at least 11/15. But, I am sure inspiration will strike, and when it does, you'll be the first to know!

So, there you have it...my holiday plan is to scale back on the intense weight loss and expect a bit less from the scale. I still expect movement DOWN in the digits, but not as quickly as I've experienced at other times during this journey. I will enjoy all things, but in moderation. For me that is the only way to make this a sustainable life long commitment.

Good luck to you during the holidays and if you have a great "surviving the holidays" tip, please share in the comments below!

Lori

I Feel GOOD.

Oh, yeah, crank up the James Brown, 'cause I feel GOOD baby!

Seriously...I feel really good.

I went shopping last week. I met my niece and a college roomie and we hit the outlet mall. We hit it hard, too! I was in need of "fall/winter" clothes, and even a new coat if I could find something. Normally these shopping trips are all about kids' clothes, but this time...it was ALL ME, baby! And it was awesome.

Here's what was awesome about it. Before I went there I mainly got clothes from either Cato or Kohl's here at home. And I guess I had pretty much convinced myself that those 2 stores were really cutting their clothes big, 'cause I'm still pretty sure that I'm not wearing a Large shirt or a size 14 pant. Must be the generous cut those stores carry...right???

WRONG...guess what...those sizes fit me in every freaking store in the outlet mall. And trust me, I tested the theory! I got stuff at Tommy Hilfiger, Old Navy, Van Husen, Bass, and a whole bunch of other stores in between! There were a few stops that I thought the shirts were really short, and I didn't like the way they fit. And for once in my life, if I didn't LOVE the way it fit and how I looked, I could skip it. No more "well, this will have to do". Oh no...total love or leave it on the hanger.

In January when I started all of this at 265 and wearing a 22/24, had anyone told me that before Halloween I'd be under 200 and wearing a 14 I would've referred them to the nuthouse. I can't believe I'm here. Really...still can't...but going and trying on all those clothes sure put a dent in my confusion.

And you know what, this is for good. This isn't a short-term thing. This weight loss has been so manageable and so real-life that I KNOW that it's for good. I know I can continue to do this for the rest of my life. Fat Lori has left the building, and she's NOT coming back.

The other thing that is important to disclose, is that I honestly feel that the loss that I've managed so far is not just a physical test, but a mental one as well. My way of thinking has shifted. I finally see that I DESERVE to be healthy, happy, and fit. And I see now that losing the weight that I have has helped make me a happier person. I would never have described myself as sad or grumpy before, and I surely thought I was enjoying my life then. But now, enjoying it now...well that enjoyment seems so much more intense, and so much more capable of saturating my soul with sheer joy. My cup is totally running over, and I am so thankful for that.

Believe in yourself...surround yourself with people who believe in you as well. Dig deep and realize that YOU DESERVE to be healthy, happy, and fit. Do whatever it takes to get started and then find it within yourself to know that you DESERVE this and YOU are the only person that can control your success.

You're so worth it....

So Long...Farewell...Auf Wiedersehen...Goodnight

Today was a pivotal day...a defining day...a day that I have been waiting for.

Today I said good-bye to 200. I weighed in this morning at 199.0. No more "I weigh two hundred and .... .

Oh no. Now I will say I weigh ONE HUNDRED and ... .

Wow. Really? I can't believe I'm there. Remember back in January? My goal at 265 was to get into the 250's. Getting below 200 at that time was just too daunting of a task, so I broke it down into smaller reachable segments.

And here I am...ONE hundred and ninety-nine pounds.

You wanna know the craziest thing? It really has NOT been THAT hard. Seriously. I don't know if it's because my perspective of "hard" is really skewed due to seriously hard things, but I would not say that getting to this point has been that hard. My life style, my eating habits, my exercise habits...those are all things that I can see easily manageable in the future. And so, this weight loss will be permanent. This is not a quick-fix, but a change in thinking.

And that's what I've been doing a lot of today...thinking. Thinking and watching. I watch people. I watch them drive by me in cars, I see them pass me in stores, and my brain is just churning, watching, wondering why the rest of the world can't see how easy this really is.

Don't get me wrong...there have been really horrible, dreadful, miserable times during this year. I have wanted to quit and I have wanted to indulge, and I have wanted to just chuck it all and go back to my old ways. But the only thing that is going to do is make me unhealthy and set my children up for losing their Mom too soon. So, even if I can't do it for myself, I can and will do it for THEM. And becoming Fit is not just about me...it's about the whole family. My kids will try more vegetables. They know how to read a label and choose the more healthy option. They understand (although they don't always LIKE it) that you need to put good food into your body for FUEL before you eat any junk or snack foods.

Ultimately, the decision to change MUST be yours. You have to find that piece of yourself that recognized that YOU deserve it. In the long run, everyone around you will benefit from your own healthiness, but YOU have to realize that YOU deserve it most. Getting fit and living a more healthy lifestyle is not expensive, too time consuming, or just too plain difficult for anyone to manage. You can do it, but first you must realize that YOU deserve it.

To those people that have supported me thus far, THANK YOU. Thank you so much. Your comments on this blog, phone calls, Facebook messages, etc. have driven me when I had no gas left in the tanks. I appreciate the motivation so very much and I hope to pay it forward 10 fold.

Challenge Yourself...

Status quo is easy, really. You just settle in to that nice, comfortable familiar existence that has been serving you so well and don't rock the boat.

But what if the status quo really isn't serving you so well? Maybe it's time to challenge yourself.

I see that this blog has picked up several followers, and some of you have even contacted me saying how I motivate and inspire you. This not only flatters but shocks me as well. I'm just a normal woman, trying to get fit. But, if my stories can motivate you then sometimes I think it's important for me to really TRY to motivate you!

Today is motivation day, baby....

Many of you look to this blog for motivation on your weight loss. How's that going for you, by the way? Are you still chugging along, losing those pounds? OR...are you stuck...hit a plateau...lost your drive?

Well, here's my challenge to you...........

CHALLENGE YOURSELF

Yep...that's right...an open ended challenge. No specific motivation from me today. YOU do it. Figure out some kind of challenge for your own personal weight loss and fitness goals and then get on it! I've joined a 500 mile challenge. Sounds nuts, right? It is, a little, but I'm doing it, and so are several other people...only one of whom I've ever met in "real" life. See the rest of them are bloggers, or readers of blogs. We've all come together for Ashli's 500 mile challenge. Walk it or run it, but the challenge is 500 miles in a year. I have a "widget" to the right that shows my progress. It shows you what I've done most recently and then my "lifetime" mileage.

That 500 mile challenge is motivating me and totally challenging me. I'm in that push to get under 200, so I'm working out a lot. I'm watching my food intake and trying to really burn a LOT of calories every day. But that 500 mile challenge motivates me even further.

For example, I record lots of stuff on the DVR...and laying on the couch watching those shows doesn't burn calories. BUT, walking a couple of miles on the treadmill WHILE I'm watching sure does! And those calories add up, baby...they totally add up!

So find something to challenge yourself. Maybe you challenge yourself to get up 30 minutes earlier 3 days a week and take a 30 minute walk. Maybe you challenge yourself to use that gym membership that has been coming out of your checking account every month even though you haven't set foot in the place in 2 months. Maybe you walk your kids to school instead of driving.

Whatever it is, challenge YOURSELF. Let's face it, folks...the holidays are coming up, and for me, that is NOT the easiest time to lose weight...or even MAINTAIN. But this year, status quo on holiday eating is NOT going to bring me down. Oh, no...this year it's a brand new game baby, and I'm gonna be my own starting quarterback!

Go forth....and CHALLENGE YOURSELF!

(...and PLEASE...post a comment and let me know what YOUR challenge is! If anyone is interested in the 500 mile challenge, post a comment and I'll get you the link)

Time Marches On...Are You Marching or Standing Still?

A year ago I was, quite frankly, a mess. I was a complete wreck...physically and emotionally. Everything came to a head one night after hitting the wine trail with some friends. A great friend...an old friend...had come along as my "date". After departing the drunk bus, we headed to McDonald's for some grub before heading home. She was staying the night to avoid the drive home, so we knew we'd have some good "girlfriend gab" time. It was just what I needed.

See, I think you have some friends that are surface friends. They see what's on the surface and don't dig any deeper. If you say you're fine...then you're fine and everyone moves on. Then there are those "below the surface" friends. Those are the ones that hear "I'm a friggin' mess" when you say "I'm fine" and they DIG...they dig deep baby, 'cause that's the kind of friend they are, and they WANT to help.

Debbie is a "below the surface" friend. We've seen each other through job changes, births, marriage troubles, family troubles, death, and just about any other miserable thing one can endure. Let me say...for the record...Debbie isn't my only "below the surface" friend. I am blessed to have several. But, she was there that night, and she did the digging that led to my return to life.

We started talking about the past 8-9 months. So much had happened in my life...Schuyler (my nephew) was killed in Afghanistan...my Mom died unexpectedly...physically I was a mess on a whole other level. My weight had increased to probably the highest it had ever been. I was severely depressed but hadn't admitted it to myself. But Debbie asked...she asked how I was.

"Fine...doing ok."

"No, REALLY...how are you DOING?" (this is digging deeper)

I thought about that and ended up breaking down completely. I lost it. I was not fine and it was time to face that.

Debbie and I talked at length that night. Maybe it was having a trusted friend...maybe it was the wine...maybe it was just time...or maybe it was a combination of all of these. But this would end up being the night that changed everything. Debbie encouraged me to talk to someone about medication. She got me to admit that I was depressed...really, really depressed. And she got me to realize that it wasn't getting any better as time went on, but actually getting progressively worse. She helped me realize that I needed help in getting out of the fog.

So, I ended up taking Lexapro to help me deal with the depression. Thankfully that worked really well for me and helped me climb out of the hole that I was stuck in. I made it through the holidays...those first holidays without Schuyler and Mom. I made it to January 2010...a new year and hopefully a happier year.

And what a happier year it's been. Life isn't without sadness...nobody should expect that. But, I have found that HOW you deal with those disappointing or sad times makes a world of difference. I'm not the eternal optimist, but I do try to see something good even in the most difficult of situations. I am trying to look at the simple things in my life that bring me happiness. The year after Schuyler and Mom died there was a LOT of family time...LOTS and LOTS....and those were really happy, really comforting times. The 6 hour drive to visit "home" isn't such a "task" anymore, but a destination where fun times and memories are being made.

Mid-January I decided that my mental health was on the right track so it was time to get my physical heath in check as well. I started this "Fit By Forty" journey, and honestly, I would NEVER have imagined I would be where I am today. In January I weighed 265 pounds. I was wearing a 22/24 and XXL shirt. I THOUGHT I felt pretty good. Then I started losing the weight. Initially I set small goals...at 265 my goal was to be in the 250's. At 259, my goal was to be in the 240's...and so on.

Here I am...the end of September and beating down the door to under 200! I am at 203 as of this morning. I am wearing a 16 jean comfortably, and a 14 is button-able and zippable, but not comfortable! YET. I buy Large shirts. My shoe size has even gotten smaller! From a 9.5 EE to a 8.5 B.

But, the best thing about all this isn't the numbers. It is how I FEEL. I feel energized. I want to go DO something...not just lay low. I am active...I am happy...I am fit.

Life is good.

So, this brings me to the title..."Time Marches On...Are You Marching or Standing Still?".

I was totally standing still in 2009. But 2010? Oh, in 2010 I'm Marching...I'm leading-the-band marching....and it feels GREAT.

Life is hard...nobody should expect it not to be. But how you deal with those curve balls you're thrown will make a HUGE difference in whether or not you march or stand still.

Maybe life is like living in the jungle...the weak, injured animal that stays still is going to be the one to get eaten by the mighty lion. It's OK to be weak and injured, just don't stay still for too long so that the lion has to go elsewhere for his dinner.

L